I learned a valuable lesson recently about being fully present in the moment, and valuing the people who are right in front of you. A close friend of mine recently ever so gently, called me out on leaving the 2nd half of her birthday celebration early, because I was all in my feelings about there not being any eligible guys for me to talk to at the venue. Considering her boyfriend was with her, I didn’t think it would be a big deal for me to take my lonely self home and wallow in my single status. But what I didn’t realize was that she wanted me to be there and that my declaration of there “just not being enough cute guys for me to mingle with”, made it seem as if I was only there to meet cute guys and not celebrate with her. Certainly with me being single for 4 years, the guy mingling was half of the plan, but the bigger picture was that we were all there to celebrate my friend, and the blessing of having another year to spend with her. And although she may have had her boo with her, she still wanted me there too.
So why couldn’t I just be happy to hang out, enjoy the scene and have a good time? Because sometimes it just gets to be too much. The singleness, the loneliness, the longing to no longer go to these type of things by yourself. Every. Damn. Time. It just gets to be too hard. I don’t have the energy to keep being “ok” when I’m really not “ok”. But in letting these feelings get the best of me, I lose focus on what is right in front of me. The love and laughter of some of the most incredible girlfriends on the planet, who despite my inability to get or keep a man, still love me unconditionally and still want me to be there with them and their boyfriends, even when I feel like a burden. And there are other examples of times when instead of just relishing in the moment that I have with those who love me most, or enjoying the space and freedom of solitary me time, my mind wanders to how I would love to have that special person by my side. The reality is that there isn’t a special someone in my life, but that there are MANY special someones. Those include my friends, my family, co workers, people I meet in passing, those I volunteer with and mentor, the chatty Uber driver, and the few guys who sometimes cross my path. These are all people I can connect and be present with everyday. And if I just step outside of the hopeful fantasy of having that one special someone, I could step into the amazing reality of all the love and happiness of the someones who are in my present.
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