Although I am a firm believer that everyone needs someone, the primary reason I am single at this time in my life is I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. I was in a 22 year marriage in which I gave my life to my husband, my children and my job. I never put myself first, I made countless sacrifices, and I am good with those decisions at that time. I was raised to believe that it was my responsibility and role to be a certain type of woman. But when you are that involved and committed there is no way you can invest in yourself while you are doing all of that. I let myself go physically, I was emotionally unfulfilled by my husband, and my job wanted me to be a workhorse. I always thought that if you had old fashioned values, and did what a woman was “suppose” to do at home, that you would be married forever. And although every man wants to come home to her, they cheat on her with the selfish chick that uses them for their money and takes the time to invest in her body, but treats them like garbage.
I am Single Because…
In the two years I have been separated and going through my divorce I have learned that I am not willing, at my age to compromise who I am for another person. I learned that the 20 year old Tiffany was willing to accept things that the 42 year old Tiffany would never accept. I found myself following the same pattern of dating men who “needed” me rather than loved and appreciate me. That led to the same destructive resentment I felt in my marriage and I quickly ended those relationships. I put my life on hold, and put my husband through school not once, but twice. Only to have him cheat on me with the first white girl he could find when he started making money.
I am Single Because….
I bring a lot to the table, and although you should never do for others just to get something in return, don’t find yourself always on the giving end while your emotional needs, physical well-being, and mental health is neglected. If you don’t have someone willing to meet you half way, and willing to be there for you, and dare I say, PROUD to have you on his arm, you might want to continue in the search. I have a bad habit of “doing the most” in a relationship and being hurt when the love is not reciprocated. Men love differently than women. I understand that fact, however, if I can accept that about him, he will need to accept that he has to step outside of his comfort zone to love me the way I need it. A man will only do what you “require” him to do. Until I can find that, I will continue to be a Sexy Single Mommy!
*This post was submitted for my Single Because series. I am not the author*
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