Monthly Archives: July 2016

Online Dating: Are There Really Plenty of Fish Out There?

I met someone special a week ago.

Have you ever dated online? I haven’t, at least until a week ago. I’ve seen way too many people getting duped because of online dating. I was telling my friend about how hard it is to find someone nice, someone… normal.

I’m not even trying to be difficult. I have many horror stories to tell about the dates I’ve had in the past. There was this one guy who liked plucking out his hair so that he could use it as dental floss. Another guy hated paying for dinner – he would demand that I pay every single time.

You might be thinking that I’m some kind of weirdo that I attract equally weird men. No, that’s not the case. I do have my quirks, but that’s not the point, is it? It’s just really unreasonable that society expects us to find the perfect match from a rather narrow pool of people – just the people you meet in person, nothing more.

My friend suggested a rather unorthodox solution. I thought she was kidding at first, but it turned out that she was serious.

She said I should try online dating.

An Introvert’s Problem

Well, don’t judge me, but I ended up liking online dating websites!

No, I don’t sign up for one-night stands. I’m just a regular girl, looking for a regular guy. Unfortunately, finding someone to have a relationship with is tough.

I mean, how many people do we actually get to meet in a lifetime? Without the internet, the number of people I know by name probably wouldn’t exceed 500.

To make things worse, I’m an introvert – I keep to myself and I feel drained whenever I have to socialize in parties. But when I’m in front of my computer, I don’t have to worry about awkward first impressions. Online, making friends is so much easier for me.


Image: Neil R via Flickr

Plenty of Fish in the Sea

It’s almost natural that after I’ve made dozens of friends online (more than the friends I’ve made in person), I gravitated towards online dating platforms. Getting to know someone in person used to be really stressful for me. Online, where I don’t have to worry about my food getting stuck in my teeth, getting to know someone is just a lot more fun.

I balk at the idea that I have to date someone I’ve already met in the past! There’s plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. It’s no coincidence that I’ve been dating someone from a website where there’s plenty of fish – and where there’s one in particular that caught my fancy.

Online dating

Don’t wrinkle your nose at the idea of online dating until you’ve tried it. Did you know there’s even an online dating website for Pokemon Go players? No kidding.

I met Gary in Plenty of Fish – yep, that’s the name of the online dating website – and right now, it’s just what I need. If you’re anything like me, you might want to check it out. Here’s how you can access the Plenty of Fish login, just in case you’re a little tech-challenged.

Wish me luck! One day, I might finally have the courage to venture out of my comfort zone. Until then, the internet is more than happy to offer me solace. If my future “the one” is someone I will meet through online dating, I won’t be too surprised.

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7 Non-Intimidating First Date Ideas

 Every love story always starts off when the boy meets the girl right? The romance can either bloom or dwindle based on the connection on the first few dates. However, now we’re in the age of technology where it’s easy to skip the first date and go right into Netflix and chill. Have we lost the spark of romance as we advance in technology? Or did we forget the excitement of first dates?

Let’s be honest, first dates can trigger anyone’s nerves. Let’s talk about the typical dinner and movie date: What if you don’t like the food? What if the conversation gets awkward, can you skip on the movie? Do we need to share popcorn? Yes, first dates can be scary- but it doesn’t have to. Skip the dinner, skip the movie, here are some ideas to go on your first date instead.


Image: J Brew via Flickr

Coffee Shop

Having coffee (or the beverage of your choice) can be a quick an easy date for anyone if you start to feel it going south. Most coffee shops are made to make you feel comfy with the option to sit out in the patio to enjoy the weather and (my favourite) people watch. If things go well, you both can easily take your beverage and go for a stroll. Or go separate ways.

Local Brewery

No, not your 11pm pub night but check out if any of your local brewery offer beer tours. Most tours last about 30-45 minutes and include samples. Learn a little about local crafted beer together and have fun while you’re at it. We all know a little alcohol can take the edge off especially on a first date.

Dog Parks

If you both have dogs, why not take your companion out for a walk together? It can take the edge off knowing you’re not alone on your date. Besides it’s always nice to see your date’s inner tenderness towards animals. It’ll always spark that “aww” moment.

Comedy Club

You can drink, dine, and laugh at some of the best comedians out there. With a laid back environment, you can easily check out dates and times of performances of your choice ahead of time. They say laughter is the shortest distance between two people, and if you can find yourself laughing with the person you’re with on your first date, then that says a lot of where you two are heading right?

Frozen Yogurt

On a nice summer day, grabbing some ice cream and going for a stroll can help spark conversation between the two of you. Enjoy the scenery and each other’s company by getting to know each other more. Learn what they love, what they hate and how crazy they can get with the toppings on their ice cream.

Paint Night

If you guys are on the creative side but are too intimidated by joining art classes, Paint Nite is an easy way to release your inner Picasso. Local artists help guide you along with the rest of the group through the creation of acrylic painting. Check your local area to see if there are any events that host this and sign up! This is a great way to break the ice on the first date and you two can both bring something home to remember the night with.

Stargazing

Want to be more on the romantic side? Spike some hot chocolate, find a nice open field (or lawn) and stargaze with your date. You can easily look up some good stargazing spots in your local area if the school field doesn’t work for you. You don’t have to be an expert in looking up constellations but it can be fun to challenge each other and try to see the sky in the other person’s eyes. You might get lucky and see a shooting star. Don’t forget to make a wish!

They say chivalry is dead, but it doesn’t have to be. We can bring it back in today’s world by not hiding behind social media and subliminal text messages but by having the courage to go after what and whom you want.

Technology will always improve and the boy meets girl romance can still live on, if you let it.

 

xo, glenny
www.confessionsofascorpio.com

 

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Online dating: Is there really plenty of fish out there?

I met someone special a week ago.

Have you ever dated online? I haven’t, at least until a week ago – I’ve seen way too many people getting duped because of online dating. I was telling my friend about how hard it is to find someone nice, someone… normal.

I’m not even trying to be difficult. I have many horror stories to tell about the dates I’ve had in the past. There was this one guy who liked plucking out his hair so that he could use it as dental floss. Another guy hated paying for dinner – he would demand that I pay every single time.

You might be thinking that I’m some kind of weirdo that I attract equally weird men. No, that’s not the case. I do have my quirks, but that’s not the point, is it? It’s just really unreasonable that society expects us to find the perfect match from a rather narrow pool of people – just the people you meet in person, nothing more.

My friend suggested a rather unorthodox solution. I thought she was kidding at first, but it turned out that she was serious.

She said I should try online dating.

An introvert’s problem

Well, don’t judge me, but I ended up liking online dating websites!

No, I don’t sign up for one-night stands. I’m just a regular girl, looking for a regular guy. Unfortunately, finding someone to have a relationship with is tough.

I mean, how many people do we actually get to meet in a lifetime? Without the internet, the number of people I know by name probably wouldn’t exceed 500.

To make things worse, I’m an introvert – I keep to myself and I feel drained whenever I have to socialize in parties. But when I’m in front of my computer, I don’t have to worry about awkward first impressions. Online, making friends is so much easier for me.

Plenty of fish in the sea

It’s almost natural that after I’ve made dozens of friends online (more than the friends I’ve made in person), I gravitated towards online dating platforms. Getting to know someone in person used to be really stressful for me. Online, where I don’t have to worry about my food getting stuck in my teeth, getting to know someone is just a lot more fun.

I balk at the idea that I have to date someone I’ve already met in the past! There’s plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. It’s no coincidence that I’ve been dating someone from a website where there’s plenty of fish – and where there’s one in particular that caught my fancy.

Online dating

Don’t wrinkle your nose at the idea of online dating until you’ve tried it. Did you know there’s even an online dating website for Pokemon Go players? No kidding.

I met Gary in Plenty of Fish – yep, that’s the name of the online dating website – and right now, it’s just what I need. If you’re anything like me, you might want to check it out. Here’s how you can access the Plenty of Fish login, just in case you’re a little tech-challenged.

Wish me luck! One day, I might finally have the courage to venture out of my comfort zone. Until then, the internet is more than happy to offer me solace. If my future “the one” is someone I will meet through online dating, I won’t be too surprised.

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Chemistry Ignites the Fire, But It's Not Enough

1. Tune in to each other.

Like a radio station, the frequency of your marriage should have a good, strong signal. The connection must be clear and transparent. Keep communicating with each other unambiguously. Be interested in what is going on in each-other’s lives, ask for advice and share experiences.

2. Have your own life.

Each day you both go to places where you interact with other people. You encounter, learn and observe life in different ways.  It’s important to your personal and/or professional growth that you both have this opportunity to develop a passion or interest in a goal or aspiration that you strive for.

It’s these goals that will give you the unique ambition to be the best ‘you’ that you can be. Offering your marriage the best of you maintains the quality of your lives together.

3. Distinguish the ‘small stuff’ from the red flags.

After getting to know each-other over time, there are always little personal habits or behaviors which set the other off. Communicate how these things affect you and try to reach a compromise about how to manage minimizing them. They never really go away completely.

If there is true love at the very core of your relationship, the compromise should be kept most of the time. At the end of the day, don’t sweat the small stuff. The small stuff is always tolerable, annoying, but tolerable.

No-one is perfect.

Red flags are different. They are tiny warning flares that may start off as ‘small stuff’ but when left unaddressed, fester into a full blown chronic Marriage cold sore. They hurt everyone involved to varying degrees and while some people find a tonic to cure and prevent further infection, sadly others do not or cannot.

Red flags can prove to be fatal to marriages in the long term. In any case the outcome is what it is. Stand there and deal, but don’t try to do it alone. Surround yourself with your most trusted networks. Tomorrow is still going to happen, decide how and where you want to spend tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that.

Chemistry Ignites the Fire, But That Isn't Enough
Image: Hannah Iris Tolonen via Flickr

4. Work as a team.

All that you do in life should be geared toward an overall collective goal you share as soon as you said, “I do.” I liken the sharing of your lives together to returning all team members to home base as in (T-ball) for as many innings, as long as you both shall live. So at all times, help each other to do this.

This can range from picking up milk on the way home, to caring for the other when they’re sick. Helping each other reinforces and maintains a team mind-set, belief in your goal and the path you both travel to achieve it.

When I was younger and not keen on helping her with the laundry, my Mum always said, “Just give it a try first – complain later”. At the time, at every turn, I did the total opposite and not surprisingly, it was a pretty slack effort. It wasn’t until I moved out on my own that I realized that I had needed her help way more than she had ever needed mine.

We may sometimes not want to do our share of the work, especially if the path you travel becomes difficult, obstacle-ridden or the home base seems too much effort and a change in sporting code seems, by far, the easier option.

Remember, that the goal was jointly set up to embetter your future together. So keep your eyes on the prize, don’t get distracted and don’t lose hope. Most importantly – never leave a team member behind.

5. Be proactive

You may have heard of this before, but I have to reiterate the importance of it once again, MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK. Like a bird building a nest, you must gather everything you need to build it safe and sound. Think about planning to pre-empt the nest’s needs to survive all weather conditions especially the stormy strong winds, rain and hail.  

Create boundaries and then contribute only things that serve to strengthen and protect it. Make sure you communicate regularly about the building process and materials needed. Foster a joint decision making process. More often than not one sole executive decision could possibly unravel all your hard work.

6. Be Loyal

When you marry you become a member of a team. Place loyalty to this team first and foremost. Back each other and give regular pep talks reminding each other of your game plan frequently. If you need to tweak it so that you can improve your team strategy, do so together with that sole purpose in mind. Of course you may always be a supporter of other teams but try not to tweak too much, too often, as you run the risk of copying other teams and losing your own authentic team philosophy.

7. Eat at home

There is a common thought that it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. This is especially true in a marriage. There are always going to be tasty treats or temptations that you pass by every day, inhaling the mouth-watering aromas that waft past. It is only normal to appreciate the quality and appeal of such deliciousness. Don’t be weak and give into temptation, stay focused. Work up that appetite and thirst and take it home. Home is where the heart is.

8. Be privileged

To honour a life-long commitment to someone is no easy feat for anyone. Honour is the key word, in every thought, word and deed. Feel privileged to have your marital status, there’s no badge needed or, dare I say, ring even. The status itself signifies your courage to share your life with someone else. It’s a big deal, never belittle it. No matter what happens, it’s a privilege.

9. ‘Like’ one another

It’s always easy to say that you love someone but the act of doing so, I believe, is in the concept of ‘liking’ them. It’s way more difficult to keep liking someone as change over time always throws a spanner in the works. This concept is more transient, stilted and sometimes over even before its fully begun.

Both of you have to work at keeping things fresh, vibrant and alive. Date nights and other creative fun and affectionate ways to spend time together, is vital. Even at your low points be thoughtful and considerate.  Politely walk away from each other until such a time when you are likable again!

10. Be responsible

Marriage is an institution that is deemed valid for people of certain age groups only. I assume this is in the hope that partners are fully capable of being responsible for all requirements needed to commit.

Accepting responsibility is a skill needed in all facets of life and as you grow up, you grow together in building your marriage and family unit. Marriage is a selfless institution and one that favors those who claim and carry out their role with the best intentions. It also favors those who own up to their mistakes and aim to improve, although ideally – not too many times!

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Meeting Margaret – My New Motivation

I met the woman I want to emulate in about 40 years. She was absolutely wonderfully perfect. She’s 80-something, a cancer survivor, married 63 years, gloriously blunt, uplifting to all she meets and exceedingly joyful. Her name is Margaret. And she made my life exponentially better in just ten minutes.

“Hello, dear. In case you’re wondering why I keep smiling at you, I’m simply admiring your hair. It’s gorgeous! But I’m sure you hear that all the time.”

Over my shoulder, this smaller older woman was smiling brightly.  Her own close-cropped hair was mostly silver with traces of gray and dark brown. I loved the salty peppered look on her! Even envied the simplicity of such a style – long, colored, curled hair is NOT easy at any time. I’d seen her earlier – she’d smiled and held back a laugh when I spilled coke down my blouse. Nodded when I took care of it without getting upset. I’d admired her attire – she was older but brave enough to wear a big statement necklace over a crocheted top, very chic and modern. She was delightful just to observe, her strength and positivity exuding from every inch of her small frame, her smile absolutely beautiful in her little face.

I thanked her and told her I’d been complimented a few times on my hair. Smiled. Personally, I think my hair truly is one of my better attributes and I take great care with it. It was nice to get a random compliment from a lady of her caliber. But, this sweet lady wasn’t quite done with me yet.

She leaned over and told me, “One thing I’ve learned in 63 years of marriage. When your man gives you grief, you put him in time out. In the closet. Without his clothes.” And she waited for my reaction.

I lost it. Completely. I laughed and laughed. Heartily. I couldn’t stop. It was just so unexpected and absolutely amazing advice. And I could see her doing it, too! And what had been a stressful, depressing, hard week was suddenly filled with light. That laugh broke through all the crap and reminded me that my day was not my life. The troubles, the stress, and the sadness were not the emotions to hold on to. So I dropped them. And I saw my day in a different light.

We spoke a few minutes, I don’t remember about what exactly, then she smiled, patted my arm and returned to her husband.

After I finished eating, still with random fits of giggles hitting me, I went over to her table. I had to speak with her again.

“I had to tell you, you just turned my whole day and maybe even my month completely around. Thank you.”

She looked me up and down. I could imagine what she saw. Messy auburn curly hair. Tired blue eyes. Long unflattering maxi skirt dress. A coke-spill stain on my chest showing my breast through the white fabric. And she smiled. That beautiful smile that spoke of years of wisdom and trials and overcoming everything that had ever been thrown at her.

“My dear, you need to remember. They don’t make them like you. You walk past that mirror and you take a good look. Every time. You are gorgeous and strong and speak intelligently. There simply aren’t many like you. And you need to know that. You need to remember it. You are an amazing woman. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. Or make you feel like you’re less. Men don’t have a clue. They really don’t. So you find that joy and beauty and strength inside yourself. Don’t look to them because they will disappoint you every time. They won’t live up to your standards and they won’t know what to do with a woman like you. They’re clueless and they’re just along for the ride. You find that strength and beauty in here (touching her heart and then mine) and you don’t let them destroy that. And if they try…you put them in the closet in naked time out.”

Speechless. Absolutely speechless. This was something I expected one of my besties to say to me. Something I expected from a motivational speaker. From the Warrior Goddess tribe. In a random card my favorite cousin might send me. Maybe even from my best gay male friend. It’s not at ALL what I expected from a little 80-something lady I randomly met at lunch in Einstein Brothers Bagels. And it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. The universe put this amazing lady in my path at precisely the right moment.

I leaned down to hug her. I held her hand with both of mine. I was near tears when I asked her name. And I shared mine. And we talked a bit more. She told me about the little baby (6 days old!) that had just left the restaurant. She had talked to the mother and grandmother; their smiles as they left had told me she had touched them as well. She told me about the girl behind the register. A young woman who had moved here from New York City and was touched by Margaret’s kindness in a place she had found to be “filled with the rudest people she’d ever met!” (This is the midwest…and she’s from NYC! Seems upside down and yet completely true.) She told me that she makes it a point to reach out to women everywhere, “…from beautiful women like you to the weary clerk at a store and everyone in between.”

“We women have to stick together. We have to be strong. We do what needs to be done. Because men are clueless and they literally would not be alive without us.” She indicated her husband, “He has throat cancer and dementia. That’s evidence right there. He literally would not be alive without me. And I’m a cancer survivor and working on getting over chemo now.” She explained that was why she had the short gray hair. “It’s cancer hair, dear.” But she was totally rocking the short pixie look.

I love her. And I told her that. Because she made an impact in my life in just ten minutes. And as I left I looked back. And she said, “I love you. Stay strong. Be happy.” Gave me one more of those beautiful smiles. And I knew, without a doubt, I’d met an angel at lunch. My only regret – not taking her picture. This is the closest I can come to that now – capturing her with my words and pouring out my emotions about the event. Because I want to remember her for as long as I can.

I want to be a Margaret. In 40 years, that’s the kind of legacy I want to be leaving. I want to be the kind of woman who reaches out to those who need a touch, a look, a compliment, a talk, a hug. The kind of woman who lights up a room with her smile. Who speaks her mind. Who takes care with her appearance. Who freely gives her love. The kind of woman who does what needs to be done and helps other women do the same. I want to be the kind of woman that some 40-something looks at and says “I want to be a Terese someday.” Because without a doubt…I want to be a Margaret.

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A Message to an Old Friend

justice BI have become very introverted as of the last few years. I have found that less and less, I enjoy the nonsense of others. I don’t indulge or appreciate the judgments or criticism. I don’t favor those who talk about other people as they know who they are internally. I don’t engage with those who feel as though snap judgements and a snap forgiveness is ok. I cringe when I see someone who is telling an untruth and my heart breaks when someone DEMANDS from someone else. 

                                          I need to LET all of that GO…….

A friend of mine calls me a Warrior. I suppose, if I were to look back on my life, I would be considered a warrior. I have had to fight for everything that I have, I have had to live through pain, abuse and self loathing. I have grown to learn that in my life, there is little opinion that matters. In fact, I have grown to have a belief that if you don’t have HATERS, you are clearly not doing a very good job at living as there will always be someone, somewhere who wants to challenge your resolve.

So, here I stand in my truth and I will make it very clear that we are not going to budge from our path. We are going to stand strong and true to our needs. There is only one person who is so deeply intimated by our strength and that person keeps doing everything in the world of manipulation, abusive and emotional abuse that can be done to TRY and thwart our “happi.”breaking_bad___walter_white___fear___by_mangekyou_eyes-d5chr9y

Well, guess what? I will not allow, condone or acknowledge this behavior ANYMORE.

My daughter is currently attending art camp and she has been GLOWING with joy, peace and has even lost weight. She is pumped about her new school and she is pumped about being here. Why would I want to take that joy from her? As a mother, its not an option. My job has been and always will be to allow her to grow into who she is to be, to protect her and to love her.

So, onward we go.

Sword in hand, chin up and as we speak an Army of Angles stands with US.

Ready.

Able and Willing to help us stand in our Path.

angelwarrior

So, to that one person, please know that this is not something I would recommend continuing to fight. But if you choose this path, then know we are ready for you.

And so it is.

See, the HUMAN nature is independent of your thinking. 

Let me repeat. 

The HUMAN nature is INDEPENDANT of YOUR thinking. I am not

As stated above, my nature is and has nothing to do with you, them or  they. As much as some think that they have a magic wand to wave that will dispel some crazy dust and I am all of the sudden going to comply with a demand.

Uh.

Nope. 

Chloe and I have hit the road and are ‘divas’ of reality.

of the HERE.

                                                                                   of the NOWhealing

 

And the one thing that we as a team have decided is that WE are self Employed OWNERs of OUR personal destiny. So, those or rather the ONE who feels compelled to try and derail our movement forward on this planet as citizens and lovers of LIFE, will be sadly mistaken as to the loss of TWO aMaZiNg people.  

So please continue to do what it is you DO best and

HIT us. 

Demean us. 

DENY us. 

Lie bout us. 

OR Me. 

Or HER. 

But know that in your every waking moment, we will be happi. We will love and be in JOY.

You could have LOVED.suffer optional

You could HAVE been there. 

So, as much as you try to continue to HURT us….

we are no longer looking at you.

Or caring about YOU

We are just letting you in, in a cold numb way and living our lives to the fullest when you are not around. 

We are very SAD for you

What a lonely life you are going to END. 

Is that why you are scared of us??

b087788fb4e5a1cac8ee1bae9849ad29Is that why you choose to HURT instead of LOVE or CARE

Is that why you lie? 

Please know this my old friend

The TRUTH will always come out and BITE you in the END. 

Tick TOCK goes that fucking Clock.

                                                                                               And guess what?

                                                                  Your time is UP………

 

10686910_10152713406384244_7444702410256910910_n[1]10676240_962234600473222_2459592732043810990_n[2]10390478_10152944099439244_6272216287366748277_n[2]Tainted Eleganceflyer withoutPhone _-0001InterviewGuestsDirectory150Speaker BIO B

 

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If I Could Tell You: How Far is Too Far?

If I Could Tell You captures the desperation many of us feel about our infertility.  The film moved me beyond words and resonated with me, as a patient, and now as an infertility advocate.  These feelings of desperation and the refusal to accept “helplessness” is part of the reason I founded Fertility Within Reach.  Every day I work to support patients…. men and women like me …to avoid or at least better navigate their journey.  

What leads to such desperation? Often we feel out of control.  Those of us who have carried the burden of infertility, know too well the disconnect between our bodies and our desires.  When our backs are against a financial wall, when we are forced to cease treatment for our disease due to finances, tough decisions are made and often, consequences follow.  Back alley health care may not be involved, but the shadowed behavior of circumventing care or withholding information can have profound outcomes.  Have you considered actions out of desperation?

  • Setting up treatment or supportive appointments your spouse didn’t know about

  • Hiding the cost of treatment from your partner

  • Seeking a donor or gestational carrier without being represented by a Reproductive Attorney

  • Using left over medication from others

  • Transferring all the embryos you have

If I Could Tell You asks the question, “If it’s your last chance for a miracle, how far is too far?” 

I love films that evoke strong emotions.  That tells me that it is a story to be heard, digested, and shared.  If I Could Tell You haunted me, in a good way.  From the brilliant acting and the relatable heart-wrenching story, I was swept away and overcome with passion.  Today, my desire is to share with you the simple fact; If I Could Tell You speaks a hard truth about some infertility journeys and makes me want to scream from the top of my lungs,  “Surviving infertility does not need to be this way!” 

As a professional, I am motivated to work harder (if that’s possible).  Fertility Within Reach was created because I didn’t want anyone else to experience what my husband and I experienced, our version of desperation, which included transferring every embryo created.  Our decisions, based on financial concerns, had consequences far beyond our lives.  Everyone encounters their own level of desperation when they are deprived of the opportunity to have control of their own lives.  If I Could Tell You identifies one journey, representing the 1 in 6 couples facing infertility.  The more we share this story, the greater opportunities for compassion and support toward the disease of infertility and those afflicted.  

The film’s trailer tells you what to expect.  The actors gently bring you into the story.  If I Could Tell You gives us an opportunity to listen, digest, and share.  YOU have an opportunity to help increase awareness and support those struggling during their journey.  You are able to pre-order the film via iTunes or attend a premier.  If I Could Tell You is art, imitating life.  I encourage you to learn more about this exceptional film at their website

Please join us spreading the good word about If I Could Tell You. 
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/IfICouldTellYouMovie/

TWITTERhttps://twitter.com/IICTYMovie

INSTAGRAMhttps://www.instagram.com/ificouldtellyou/

If I Could Tell You

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